IUI #2

Today we had our second IUI.  I had my follicle check this past Saturday and had 5 mature follicles--2 on one side and 3 on the other.  Follistim definitely seems to be the medicine that works best for me as I only produced one mature follicle last cycle with Bravelle.  I triggered late Saturday night and the IUI was today at 1pm.  Everything went very well.  My belly is rather sore today and I'm sure it is because my ovaries are popping out all of those eggs  :)

I'm going to TRY to resist taking urine pregnancy tests this time around.  My beta (blood pregnancy test) is scheduled for October 17th, so I'm going to just chill out and relax for the next two weeks (yea right)! 

I need to give a shout out to my wonderful husband.  He has been my rock through all of this.  The poor guy knows much more about cervical mucous and uterine lining than he probably ever wanted to.  I love him so very much.

Babies for Free

I found out last week that a wonderful friend of mine is pregnant.  It goes without saying that I'm extremely happy for her, but it definitely stirs up a lot of emotion in me. Three of my four closest friends have gotten pregnant in the last year or so (and two of them have already delivered).  I would never wish infertility on any one, but it is so difficult to watch others around me get pregnant with very little effort.  It's also so frustrating that we are pumping lots of money into fertility treatments while others around us are getting their babies for free. 

The name of my blog--STUCK--stems from a dream I had several months ago.  In my dream, I'm getting ready to run a 5K or some sort of race with a large group of friends.  We are gearing up, ready to go and excited to run the race.  The starter gun sounds and my friends all take off.  I try to run, but can't.  I look down at my feet and notice the problem...I'm wearing a big heavy pair of black rain boots.  The rain boots are cute. They're covered with little white daisies (I actually own rain boots just like the boots in my dream), but the boots have left me stuck at the start line.  My dreams rarely make sense, but this dream is so poignant.  Truly, I feel stuck in my life. Everyone around me is moving on with their lives, enjoying the world,and laughing every day.  I wake up everyday and spend every minute consumed by infertility. It's so very frustrating.  Yes, I have so many things to be thankful for--I know that.  Some days it is just very hard to be positive, though. 

On a positive note--I've just started a new medicated cycle.  I went in today for my baseline ultrasound and everything looks great.  On a super positive note--my injections are FREE this month!  The drug rep for the medication that I use happened to be in the office today, so my injections for this round of treatment are free samples.  Woo hoo! 

The Middle

Ugh. This has been a crummy week.  Exactly one year ago yesterday, I had a D & C to clear things out after my miscarriage.  Here we are one year later and I’m still not pregnant.

I remember weird bits and pieces of that morning.  I hadn’t slept at all the night before and I felt like such a zombie.  When they rolled me into the operating room, the nurse made me sign a paper and then as the team of nurses and my OB stood around me, the nurse asked me to say my full name and the type of surgery I was about to have.  “I’m having a suction D & C.”  Yuck- was I really lying there on the table about to have my just-lost baby sucked out of me?  Where would it go?  What would they do with it after it was out of my body?  Tons of weird and terrible questions swirled through my head.  My OB asked if it was OK if they turned on the radio in the operating room.  What did I care? I was about to be put out.  He turned on a satellite radio station and the song “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World popped on.  I happen to love that song.  It’s been on my exercise playlist for a long time.  It seemed so weird to have a loud upbeat song playing in the operating room, but I remember focusing on the words as I was put out.  “It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride…Everything, everything will be just fine…Everything, everything will be all right.” 

Our story...Up until today...

Where to begin?  … I started a written journal this past June, just as we were beginning fertility treatments.  I found journaling to be quite therapeutic, but I also found that my hand cramped and my writing became illegible with some of my lengthier entries.  J  Typing seemed a much better way to get my thoughts out.  I was inspired by a friend of mine who is also struggling with infertility to create a blog.  This is all totally new to me, but if my journal entries make even one other person out there feel better, then I feel this is all worthwhile.

Our Infertility Struggle—The Reader’s Digest Version

Our first two children were conceived very easy 10 yrs. and 7 yrs. ago.  When we decided to try for a third child last year, we got pregnant again very quickly.  I miscarried at six weeks and we were devastated.  My first two pregnancies had gone beautifully and I guess I never imagined that a miscarriage was even a possibility.  I went through quite a bit of depression after the miscarriage, but we marched forward and tried to get pregnant again right away.  No such luck.  After several unsuccessful cycles, lots of blood and saliva tests for my husband and myself, some hormone replacement help, two semen analyses, and an HSG (a test to see if tubes are clear), we decided to leave our regular OB and move on to a fertility specialist. 

Fast forward to June 2011—We met with Dr. Jarrett, a reproductive endocrinologist, and felt that he was a great “fit” for us.  After looking over all of our tests and records, he recommended that we try ovulation induction (OI) with IUI (intrauterine insemination).  Even though I have incredibly regular cycles and had no issues conceiving in the past, he believes that I’m no longer “ovulating well” (his words).  I’m only 33, but apparently it is not uncommon for women to begin to quit ovulating (even though they have regular cycles and even positive ovulation tests) in their thirties. 

We started our first medicated cycle almost immediately.  I began taking Femara (Letrozole) a drug that is actually intended for post-menopausal women who have had breast cancer.  (Strangely enough, my husband works for a drug company that makes this medication—and NO, we don’t get it for free!) After five days of Femara, we began injections of Follistim at home.  Follistim is intended to make a women produce multiple eggs in hopes of increasing conception odds.  Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not a fan of needles.  I told myself that these needles were teeny-tiny, though, and was determined to give the injections to myself.  My husband and I carefully prepared the injection, following the directions on the typed sheet as if we were preparing to conduct brain surgery, and I sat down on a stool to give the injection to myself.  I remember aiming the needle at my stomach, but don’t remember much else.  I woke up on the floor with my husband trying to shake me awake.  In my cockiness to give myself an injection, I had passed out!

Any way, we proceeded with the injections as planned (my wonderful husband became a pro with those needles) and I went for an ultrasound on day 10 of my cycle as planned.  The ultrasound was intended to check on the size and number of the follicles.  Ideally, the RE wanted to see 2 or 3, maybe even four follicles.  Well…. I had nine follicles.  I’ve always been called an overachiever, but this was one department I wasn’t supposed to over-achieve in!  My cycle was cancelled and again we faced a lot of disappointment.  We had already put a lot of money, time and emotions into this cycle.  They gave me a drug called Provera to basically end my cycle and I was sent home to let my baseball-sized ovaries rest and return to normal. 

Fast forward to August 2011-  After a 7 week resting period, we got to start a new medicated cycle.  This time, they decreased the amount of medication in each injection and I produced six follicles, with only one follicle maturing.  One is not ideal, but it is better than none.  We proceeded with the IUI and began the terrible two week wait.

I’m supposed to go in for a blood test this Friday to check for pregnancy, but the multiple urine pregnancy tests that I’ve taken at home have been negative.  I’m not pregnant—again.    L