The Middle

Ugh. This has been a crummy week.  Exactly one year ago yesterday, I had a D & C to clear things out after my miscarriage.  Here we are one year later and I’m still not pregnant.

I remember weird bits and pieces of that morning.  I hadn’t slept at all the night before and I felt like such a zombie.  When they rolled me into the operating room, the nurse made me sign a paper and then as the team of nurses and my OB stood around me, the nurse asked me to say my full name and the type of surgery I was about to have.  “I’m having a suction D & C.”  Yuck- was I really lying there on the table about to have my just-lost baby sucked out of me?  Where would it go?  What would they do with it after it was out of my body?  Tons of weird and terrible questions swirled through my head.  My OB asked if it was OK if they turned on the radio in the operating room.  What did I care? I was about to be put out.  He turned on a satellite radio station and the song “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World popped on.  I happen to love that song.  It’s been on my exercise playlist for a long time.  It seemed so weird to have a loud upbeat song playing in the operating room, but I remember focusing on the words as I was put out.  “It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride…Everything, everything will be just fine…Everything, everything will be all right.”